2.27AM
WOOHOO! hehe as i've expected! i came home late haha but thank god i am smart to book this slot before hand.
Sano juz changed the template of his blog haha and i found the
scrollbar kinda cool and made one for my blog too...! NICE?
Hee! Better than the ol` grey one anyway....
tomorrow i'm gonna go on down to Tampinese
*bleah* to pass uncle william the caltex card to ask him to help me redeem the
Webcam! YAY!! Guess wot?! even my mommy asked me to get dat since it's popular (from me...hehe i
brainwashed her) ahahahahah this is funnie... i wuz trying to play snake in the bus juz now but it was so bumpy darn it!! the highest i got is only 800... pathetic....
*cries*..
hehehe okok let's see i'm starting to get
jealous of honggy and sano's blog cos they noe html and they keep adding nice stuff hahaha so all i could do is to
leech frm them nyahaha...
went down to wilfred's house late today. reached there at only about 4 plus!! ya noe y!? it started
raining cows and pigs *lolz* at about 2pm and i had problem getting out of the house and when i finally reached sommerset..it was already nearing 4...you know why!?
TRAFFIC JAM! somemore the bus machiam wan to
breakdwn lidat... driver keep starting the engine... -___-"
anyway when i finally reached cck, i arranged fred to
meet me at coffeebean already... so when we were there we straightaway tao pao KFC and walked over to cheers to use the S.A.M to
pay for the
starhub bill...$66.11.. sad man...pocket pua kang.
*burn hole* basically datz about it. then ate lunch over with the KFC chickens @ fred's hse, watched some tv, barely used the comp, stayed in the room talkin for a while then came out again to watch the show
"Blow" which he downloaded. A
true story of a cocaine dealer acted by Johnny Depp with a bitch of a wife by Penelope Cruz... i must say i am impressed! at least she managed to make me think dat she is really a bitch which simply means she
successfully acted her role out haha lucky i'm not so stupid to really think she is like dat but who noes? haha mebbe she is!?
*opps* anyway, felt sad for the guy johnny starred in dat movie...sad case sia... kana betrayed by so many ppl... babara shouldn't have died. she was the only one meant for him.. too bad man..
fred is
lousy at recognizing ppl man.. cos the movie moves with time so ppl get old or change image n stuff and then he'll get
confused over who is who again. basically this movie felt like it was pretty long and finally when we finished, by dat time melvin, his gf n yong an was already in the hse.. i heard frm fred dat joey is
lost! oh man! dat cutie is lost ah!!! hope it gets found real quick! (it's a dog btw) basically after the movie i duno y... actually... but i was
getting emotional... haha.. about life and stuff.. and me n fred settled dwn in his room chit chatting and was talking about some stuff. he was smoking on the flr and i was lazing away on his bed making weird noises and then when he's done smoking he climbed up the bed and told me some cute stuff... he thought it was
childish but i think it's not. because many guys or rather, people out there who have relationships yet thinks too much and
lost the naive or rather innocent part of them. they
no longer believe in alot of things... things such as love as first sight... or simple things like love can be real... or last.. or watsoever... and i do know that guys hate or fear even the mere mentioning of the word
m a r r i a g e but then again, wilfred is also scared but it's only because he is
uncertain of providing a gd life for me since we're all still so darn young.. he once told me something i considered very touching. he say if he could... he hopes to marry me in 6 years time... you may think i am naive.. well, think all you want cos i don't care. haha i believe what i hear from him cos
my trust in him is just
simply there and i
KNOW him.. haha never knew it was possible to truly 'know' a person to the extent of even knowing what he/she may be thinking about or wanna say but i can... at least with him i can. then while he was sitting on the bed and i was juz lying there listening to him talk, he crouched dwn and asked me n said, "i was thinking of something childish juz now..." and he went on to telling me about wat he was thinking about. he said dat while he was sitting dwn and smoking and lookin at me, in his mind was this sentence.
"my future wife is now lying on my bed".. kinda mushy yeah but i
am touched. he was obviously quite
shy about it but nevertheless he told me about it and then we continued to talk about it... he said one line.. and this one line
jolted my senses as tears rolled off my cheeks and i was crying heavily and choking in my words. but wilfred jus sat there quietly and had the
most gentle expression on his face. this time, he didn't stop me from crying. he always would but this time he didn't. the line he said was
"i will earn the right to be your husband.... i will not take you for granted" he asked if those were happy or sad tears. and joked that my eyes were leaking which got me giggling. he said dat i was such a
baby.
i noe wat he has been through in life... the things he has done in the past which caused him much
regret now, has brought fear into his life to the society. he is afraid of failure and i noe... i noe it all too well.. this guy.... who is infront of me... is the
one and only guy whom i love alot. and it
pains me to see him like this.
i cant stop cryin.
all i could do, was
hug him. hug him
real tight and not let go. as i hugged him i was chokin on my words. but i noe, i
have to say them out. i have to tell him the things i wanna say to him. many a times, i myself am
unable to picture my own future. i am unable to visualise it. and to admit simply, i am very
much afraid of the world too.. i am afraid to step out into the real world and end up gettin hurt. yet in our lives, every single day in everything we do, we come across a path filled with stepping stones. it's juz a matter of fact whether we get on it, or not. sometimes, we don't have a choice of our own. but most of the times, we made those choices.
life is about making choices. either you do this, or you do that. i am choking on my words but i went on talking about this. i cannot see my future and that is a fact yet i have stumbled across a few choices. the next level of education i can get is probably to go to a University although i face the problem of handling school fees and also, it isn't all dat easy to get into a Uni when u're in a poly. you have to score real well. so wat is my choice? it lies NOT in the fact whether i want or could go to a Uni, because it's still alittle beyond my reach BUT. i made another choice. i created a
possibility. i studied hard. i
CHOSE to study hard and scored grades i could
never imagine myself being capable of and i continued to aim for it. right now, what i want is to stay within the top 10% of the cohort for all my poly years and be in the director's list. i told fred to
be brave with his first step as it is the step that takes the longest. once you take dat first step, the rest will start filling in. failing is just bringing you back to what you once were and you have nothing to lose yet a successful step out will gain you wat you deserve.
contradicting? perhaps. but it doesn't matter as that is wad makes me move ahead and not give up easily. life is not about giving up because once you do,
life stops.
i think too much tonight. haha perhaps i should take a rest.
no matter what, i
will work towards keeping my relationship with fred going on for as long as it takes. and i
wont give up. not without a fight and i love him more than life itself.
I love you Fred...I really do. Don't hurt me.. Cos I won't hurt you too.
For Fred
i am glad that you had fun today.
glad that you felt your affections stronger than ever
as our bickerings had brought us closer.
